There are toxic transactions, people, and patterns in our everyday lives that often seem to impede our growth and evolution as we make our way out on to the path to becoming. It isn’t so much that we opted to invite this into our lives, but more in line with the fact that this might be the stuff of what makes us human. This is normal.
It’s difficult not to blame these disruptions for the problems in our lives, or for keeping us from being the most effective selves we can be. It’s even harder sometimes not to resent those who we feel put a wedge between us and our goals. What’s even more challenging is how to hold a keen awareness of the sideline cat-callers when you can’t see the adversary behind the masks. They will work hard to wear away at your time, your patience, and your spirit. Trust your instincts and be mindful of when you feel less of yourself than who you were before. The predatory nature of this systematic ‘vamp drain’ in their wake isn’t your imagination.
The Good News: All of this is up to you. You actually have complete control. When you meet someone who plays against your systems—one who passively reinforces the message that your rights and needs should be less of a priority—someone who systematically etches away at your core values and aims to create warped images of reality—if you feel as if you’re shedding more and more of your light in reaction, it’s time to bend their rules. Know that this kind of stealthy oppression never entirely relents in our day to day engagements, but if we don’t see it, clear it, and consciously move it a safe distance away, we can be held hostage to their rules.
Sometimes it’s as simple as identifying the barrier to your vision. Perhaps it’s someone giving unsolicited advice or placing expectations on you that they wouldn’t place on themself. It’s time to shed the burden of their need to devalue who you are. Think of it as a sloughing off of layers of skin that may have gotten too thick. This can be a healthy cleanse. Also, it can be extremely powerful to be vulnerable in these moments, and when confronted, being honest is a tool you have at hand to disarm toxicity. You have the right to hold your ground. You don’t need to explain your discomfort or devalue it. It exists, it’s real, and it’s okay to move away from it. Build boundaries around what matters most and protect yourself and the things you’ve worked hard to create.
Interestingly enough, we all have within us the power to release ourselves from these kinds of energy shackles, but it takes time and a keen awareness to hone in on such elusive impediments. For those of you going through this kind of thing in any state of your life, whether it be a relationship or a business partnership, I’ve created for myself a litmus test I’d like to share with anyone who might benefit from it as much as I have. This test involves honestly asking myself 5 core questions.
- Does this person or obstruction act as a kindle to the flame or extinguish it?
- Does the action warrant a reaction?
- Is the issue worth your focus as it relates to your core values and is it worth the energy expended to relinquish it?
- Or, will it perpetuate the issue more?
- Can you live without the imposition, and can you let go with a kind release?
These 5 questions put weight to your options so you can see how the scales tip in the price your willing to pay to maintain the status quo.
And, if anyone needs a cheerleader to help lift them up and out, I’m here as a listening ear because I knew that space. I sat where you sit, and I can tell you it’s possible to allow me yourself that kind of grace and healing to let go of the soul traps that shackle us.